i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I need a burrito and a hug.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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