Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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