i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
