some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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