since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
