my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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