My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
