forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
