I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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