I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
