grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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