why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
