it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
