im drinking this country out of the recession.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
