well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
