As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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