It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
