now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
