Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
