I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
