why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
