just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
