after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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