where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
