she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize