omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
