If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
