She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
