Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize