You made me cry and you don't even care
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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