i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's always time for handjobs
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
