i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize