I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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