wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
