If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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