Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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