hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
