Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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