the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
