i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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