just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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