We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
God, I missed his penis.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
