allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
