I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
