very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
