im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My life is pants optional.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
