dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
