I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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