Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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