I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
