Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
