you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
