Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
how drunk are you?
Several
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
