all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
