I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
A+ Viking dick
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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