Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
