Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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