was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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