My hand turned me down
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
