Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
