i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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