My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im holly from the hills drunk
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
