I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
