I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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