I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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