You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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