Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're too hungover to prance.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize